stuff

I wrote this while out a few weekends ago, it’s mostly rambling, but just thought I’d share it.

“No matter how hard you push or are scared you are to say those 3 words, I know deep inside when it feels right you’ll say them.  You can push as hard as you can or fight me all you want, for the feelings inside will never change, no matter the words, no matter the pain, I know for those 3 word will ring true, somewhere deep inside, I know you and your feelings, this smile I smile, these thoughts in my head, for you babe I will never forget.  You’ve changed me in ways unimaginable, you’ve moved my heart, for you my dear I’ll give it all.  We can’t live in fear or we’ll never live, for you my dear I’ll always give.  Give it my all, give it my best, these feelings inside I’ll never regret.  These 3 words as insignificant as they may seem, for them I’ll always mean, you’re my baby and I’ll love you forever”

just making a note that I’ll be updating this ish later.  Haven’t written in forever and there’s a lot going on in my head.

whoah hello

So it’s been a while eh?  I’ve been busy as shit with work lately.  I am glad we are busy though, cause I still have a job, and a decent one at that.  I’ll try and write more and share more non-interesting stuff with you folks.  I am off to finish my Cocoa Puffs, and go to bed.

Sooooooo amazing!  I found it while randomly browsing youtube.  

“I’m Not Trying To Save The Planet, I Just Don’t Like This Noose I’m Hanging From”

Lately, I’ve been very up and down.  One second I am perfectly content with where I am in life and know that I am making the necessary adjustments to try and get myself back out of debt and on the right path, but at other times, I feel like I am doing so little.  

For example, I think I do quite well for myself, I work hard, make “ok” money and have a job that I could turn into a career if I so chose.  But, I also realize that I am now 22, have not attended more then a semester of college, don’t own my own home, and really don’t have much of a clue of how I am going to be able to afford my own home.  I think a lot of these realizations hit me, because, I see other people I know doing so well right now.  Some have graduated college (as I would of) this last semester, and have great jobs under their belts.  Others are going onto graduate school (as I had originally planned).

Some days I really kick myself for “giving up” like I did.  But for me, Albion was not and I do not believe will ever be the appropriate place for me.  I think part of my guilt lies in the pressure from others.  When graduating high school, many of my teachers told me, that I’d do great and had nothing to worry about.  Many family members also told me that I remind them so much of my grandfather, and that I had big shoes to fill.  I don’t want to pin the blame on anyone but myself though.  I was the one who crumbled under pressure, I was the one who gave up.

I really don’t know why I am so hard on myself sometimes.  Sometimes, I just wish someone would tell me, “Hey, you’re out there being a productive citizen, give yourself some credit!”  I mean, I really AM trying here.  I sold my drumset.  My car is for sale, I’ve given up all hopes of skydiving this year, and I am trying to force myself to stay home more and not spend money.  I think once my car is sold, it will make life much easier, as that is $450 a month that I don’t have to worry about and can use to pay off what little remaining debt I have once the car is gone.  For now I am just hoping for the car to sell relatively soon.

I have had grand dreams of being someone that changes the world for the better, ever since I was a kid.  I no longer want that, I just want people to say “Damn, he was a good guy, worked hard his whole life, and was always happy”  I don’t think that is much to ask for, so for now, it is on me, to take the right steps on this path of life…

I guess I’ll end this one here, maybe update with some more later, I need a nap, before hopefully going out today to see friends.

Peace, love, and rythm,

Ben. 

So I was browsing through my music and this came up.  I saw Scary Kids Scaring Kids live a few years ago and they put on an awesome show.  This song works really well for me right now.  Here are the lyrics if you like to sing along!

“We watch these days go by
The seasons changed and faded away
And the the things I’ve learned to love grow old and die
(No reason why, no reason why, no reason why, no reason why)
Cause life’s too short to spend alone in misery
Everybody seems to look the same
I feel so alone and now my head is bowed in shame again
So I look to the heart of the devil for answers

This path is like a loaded gun
But what’s said is done
You don’t have to say a word

I’m so afraid to ask
I turn my back block out the past
Find me something true that isn’t sad
I’m so afraid to ask
This solace never seems to last
I turn away as the sunshine fades to black

I spend my nights and days
Locked away there all the same
I don’t know how much more I can take
(What’s left to say, what’s left to say, what’s left to say, what’s left to say)
Cause life’s too short to spend alone in misery

This path is like a loaded gun
But what’s said is done
You don’t have to say a word

This path is like a loaded gun
But what’s said is done
You don’t have to say a word

This path is like a loaded gun
But what’s said is done
You don’t have to say a word
To say a word, to say a word

I’m so afraid to ask
I turn my back, block out the past
Find me something true that isn’t sad

I’m so afraid to ask
This solace never seems to last
I turn away as the sunshine fades to black

I’m so afraid to ask
I turn my back, block out the past
Find me something true that isn’t sad

This path is like a loaded gun
But what’s said is done
You don’t have to say a word”

So I’ve Noticed

The only time that I actually have time to sit down and write, is when I am not creative at all.  I always get these great ideas when I am out driving or in the middle of doing something, and can’t really write it down.  Maybe I’ll update this with some good writing tonight before I go to work.

Something about the compositon and lyrics of this song, that just pulls me in.  It really speaks to and for me.  Hoping the right person see’s it….

WOOSAH!

Holy hell, what a crazy busy couple of weeks it’s been and it going to be like this probably for the rest of the summer.  I am grateful for it though.  So, I get home from work, and somehow Rachel con’s me into making one of these (probably the 13 cups of coffee and 3 redbulls I had at work are to blame).  All of you probably already know me, but I am Ben, some call me Frankenstein, my bowling name is Frankie, and I make books for a living, so that explains the url.  Anywho onto things.

Back to me being crazy busy.  Apparently we set record sales at work last week, and we are already slammed with work, so I am working overtime this weekend.  First time in several months, and I am kind of excited.  Why you ask?  Because no supervisor’s are in the building and we can do pretty much whatever we want as long as we get work done.  That and it will make my paycheck supa fat.  Another reason I am busy is, the people that run my machine on day shift, really don’t get shit done, and dilly daddle all damned day because they know they can get away with it.  

I am now without a cell phone and kind of loving it.  So if you need to get ahold of me, just email me or get at me somewhere else.    The fact that, no one can call me in the middle of the day and wake me up is pretty amazing, so this will be a fun week or so without it.

I just realized I am rambling on and on and on and on and on and on.  So I will probably cut things short here, and just leave you all with a welcome and goodnight.